Northward

Right now I am in Logan, at Whitney's Grandparents house. Whitney and her Father went to talk to various people about various subjects (school related). I think it will suffice to say that last night I had "The Talk" with Whitneys Dad. Okay, I guess it doesn't suffice because I am going to keep on talking about it. This is, or atleast used to be, one of my least favorite things to do. "Catching up" is not one of the most comfortable things to do when you have a "colorful" past such as I do. When I say colorful I mean mostly gray and dreary.
I will say that Whitney's Dad was very uhh graceful? about the way he handled my past life choices. I am sitting here, trying to put myself in his shoes and I am very grateful for him being so understanding. I wonder if I would give me a chance or I would get out my shot gun and chase myself down the street.
Heavenly Father has forgotten about the things I have done but I definatley have not. Even though I am grateful for my trials because they have shaped me into the person that I am today, it still gets me down sometimes. It is scary to know what I am capable of if I am not putting God first in my life. It wasn't like one day, after Scouts, I decided I wanted to go out and use drugs with my friends. It was a seriese of seemingly small decisions. While it is true that by small and simple means great things are brought to pass it is also true that by small and simple means horrible things are brought to pass.
Elder Uchdorf illistrates this point beautifully. He talks about the navigation system in an airplane. If the compass is just one degree off, and you travel around the world, you will end up 500 miles off course from your intended destination. Well, my moral compass was more than one degree off and I ended up a lot further than 500 miles than where I wanted to be. As I am driving down the road of life, it is usually miner adjustments, not complete u turns, that are needed.
For some reason, it often seems harder to give up the basically trivial things that hold me back from being as happy as I could be. Why is this? Is satan, (he doesn't deserve to be capitalized) putting it in my head that giving up things like caffeine and inappropriate music is going to be a lot harder than it really is? Is it because I still want worldly approval? Or maybe these things are just more important to me than doing what is right. Maybe I still have to go through some pain and misery. I hope not. I hope that I will humble myself before I am compelled. I can say from experience that being compelled to be humble is never an enjoyable experience.
I often feel like Nephi when he says that when he desires to rejoice he is emcompassed about by the sins which so easily beset him. That was Nephi, one of the greatest prophets ever, and I am Taylor, one of the laziest,most weak people you will ever meet. Thank goodness this isn't the end of the verse however, because Nephi follows that up with, "Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted". I meant it when I said that I am weak, the good news is I am not on my own. In His strength I can do all things, which are expedient unto Him. That is the good news.
Jesus Christ changes people. He changes hearts. I love the quote (sorry if I completely slander this...) that goes something like, "The world would take people out of the slums, Christ would take the slums out of the people, who would then take themselves out of the slums." Anyone who used to know me and saw me in my addictions would know that I was as bad as they come. I don't know how many times I tried to change, I mean, REALLY tried to change. I couldn't do it. I still can't do it, but He can. And He is.
It wasn't my intentions to get up on a soap box and preach. I hope that is not what it sounds like, but I will Testify of Jesus Christ any time the oppourtunity presents itself. He is my brother, He is my friend, He is my God, but most importantly, He is my Savior. I Testify that no matter what hardship we are facing, Jesus Christ is the answer. Turn to Him and He will mold your life into something beautiful, something more wonderful than you can imagine. I say these things in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.