It's been a while. Your not going to believe this. I think I was just all talked out. I talk a lot, about doing a lot of things. Lately I realized that there is no coorelation between talking and doing. At least not with me. If anything, when I talk about doing something, it makes me less apt to do it.
I get into an attitude of defeat. I have been making so many commitments, announcing them to the world, and then consistently giving up. It seems, that the one thing I am consistently achieving is failure. I think of something that will make my life better, I tell everyone that I am going to do it, then I feel pressured, I feel discouraged. The innitial motivation and enthusiasm that were present when I shouted my resolve from the mountain tops is gone. I have been trying to somehow talk my way into greatness.
It is at the point that I don't believe myself. I don't take myself seriously. I am onto my manipulations and my seeking for glory and praise. I'm onto me.
So in this respect, it is actually a good sign that I haven't been writing blogs lately, atleast not about my new resolutions to perform some kind of miraculous superman-phonebooth-superspeed change.
I am doing better at this now though, and this is meant to pe a positive post. Anytime I can become self aware enough to see a problem is a positive thing. I can then change it and learn and grow.
Small personal victories. Small private victories. Making promises to the Lord and not to Man, and being willing to give 100% percent to whatever commitment I am making. Anyways, I know that for now, it is much easier to be humble when I keep my commitments to myself, therefore allowing the Lord to help me much more than He can when I am boasting about something I haven't even done yet.