I probably sound like the most broke record that ever got broken. Once again, I have compelled God to compel me to be humble. I gotta stop doing that. I feel like the ball in brick breaker. Every once in a while I will hit a brick, but usually I miss. The closer I get to beating the level the longer I have to wait to hit the top and then come slowly, back down to the bottom so I can try again.
In this game, though, I never run out of bricks to hit and the more times I miss the harder it is to even get motivated bounce off the bouncer and head upward.
Back on the wagon as they say. My fellow pioneers are getting more and more skeptical that I will ever reach the promised land. I myself, am skeptical.
The great news is, is that my oxen (Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ) are extremely stubborn about not giving up on me. I can't shake the fact that there is so much more. That I have a divine purpose. And it is not to be the funny drunk kid at the party.
It sounds so simple, and it really is. It really is.
Well I am back on the wagon. Two weeks clean and sober. That doesn't sound like a lot but when your used to getting high or intoxicated every day two weeks is quite a long time. I think I will start writing on here again.
I just got a job today at Mcdonald's. I am actually quite proud of myself for that. I believe it is saying something about my willingness to do what I gotta do. I am a pretty prideful person and I need all of the humbling experiences that I can get. Whether I think I am better than what I really am or worse, It is all pride. They both keep me from being able to recieve the help and guidance that I need.
I am feeling better already (facebook). It's crazy how a conversation with someone that you know genuinely cares, can lift you up and literally put positive energy into your life. Well, It's late and I'm super duper tired so I'm gunna go to bed. Love you all....
2 comments:
I stumbled onto your blog (the magic of the internets, eh?) and I know we don't each other, but I just wanted to let you know that I've been touched by your thoughts on your struggles thus far. I joined the church when I was 19 and going to a college full of substance abuse and it was definitely hard to keep my covenants and search for truth in some situations. Keep it up--the gospel brings us the greatest happiness we could ever have.
You said something abut how there seems to be such black and white, especially in the church...it doesn't have to be like that. I don't think the General Authorities see it that way. They always say view the sin, not the sinner. We're all imperfect and if it really was black and white, we'd all be stuck on the terrible side together. Thank goodness for the Atonement. Everything in moderation, especially how we view ourselves and others.
I hope you're doing well on your challenge to sobriety and I know that if you do everything you can, the Lord will make up for the rest and carry you on.
Hey Taylor, I am worried about you, where are you?! Call me or send me a text letting me know you are safe : ) I love you! : )
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